Testimonies
Posted By Fr. Kevin M - Joined December 14, 2008
The question in Echoing is, “What has the Lord spoken to the whole Body?” With testimonies the question is, “What has the Lord done for me?” These testimonies can be of great benefit for the building up of the brethren, so if you would like to share with the Body some specific graces the Lord has given you please do so here.
Testimonies can also be a chance to build up the Body of Christ through affirmation. Perhaps someone spoke a word to you, or a song was played, and it really touched you. It is important to affirm that the Lord has used others’ gifts as instruments of His grace.
May God be praised!
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Over the years, my experience of the Jesus retreats have been gradually changing. In the early days, going on this retreat was like bringing an empty cup to a fountain and having it filled. Coming empty, leaving filled; leaving with a renewed vigor for a radical life of prayer and community. And it has always borne tremendous fruit. This year, I still came with my cup empty, yet the work of the Lord was not necessarily to fill that cup. Instead, the work I perceived the Lord doing was, instead of filling, He was building; building the Father's house.
The building of the Father's house is such a greater gift than having a filled cup, for a cup is so small and can only hold so much and go so far, but the Father's house can be filled beyond measure - who could contain or begin to comprehend its capacity? And so the true gift was the gift of hope.
And yet, let us place this wholly in reality - Just what happened? - asks my heart. My heart is too too fragile to latch to things 'hopeful', but do not come to fruition. The Word speaks to us that 'hope does not disappoint', to which I say, 'Amen', yet the fragility of my heart is holding its breath. What did happen? What is happening?
What I felt happened is that the Lord, this weekend, presented a bouquet of flowers to His beloved - He is wooing Her, romancing Her. And romance is dangerous, because it can leave us in a place of asking, 'Where has my Beloved gone? (Daughters of Jerusalem, tell me if you find Him!)
And so, here I am. Let Him kiss me with the kisses of His mouth. For I am dark, but lovely. I am fragile, but He is strong and has given me hope to sustain. And hope does not disappoint. Not ever. Not at all.
I am AMAZED at what the Lord accomplished in me this past weekend! Let me share it with you...
Saturday, Kevin and Merry Flynn and Siobhan Horgan prayed over me and spoke words from the Lord that my heart so desperately needed to hear. At one point, Kevin spoke that the Lord wanted me to put down roots. I didn't quite understand the word at first, but soon the Lord began speaking this right to my heart, and I understood. "You KNOW the truth," the Lord was saying to me...the truth about who I am--and about how beloved I am--that gets so easily shaken and stolen from me so often. "Dig your roots down into that, and stay there!" He was saying.
The Lord has given me great moments of love and consolation before--experiences, words and moments that come from His Heart and affirm my dignity and make me know how much I am loved--but before, these had been like snowflakes that had fallen upon me and easily melted. I had tried in vain so many times before to take what these times of consolation had taught me and build upon it, but usually within a very short time, some event or thing spoken by someone in life would defeat the words the Lord had spoken...leaving me feeling unarmed and helpless until He would speak them to me again.
But when Kevin spoke the word about taking root to me, I finally heard my Father giving me PERMISSION to build on the full sum of graces and truths He has given me and to REFUSE to be uprooted by the world, the flesh or the devil anymore!!!
The word spoken after this was that Our Lady was wrapping her mantle around the base of the tree to protect the roots and to protect and defend its growth. Any time I feel attacked, I am to hide in that mantle. Yeah, Mama!!!
The Lord also affirmed me in another amazing way. This past weekend, I felt like an instrument that the Lord played music on the whole weekend!
Literally EVERY single outpouring of my heart to the Lord or the body was ANSWERED by an affirmation from the Lord through one of my brothers or sisters that I was indeed being played by Him--and effectively.
This was a gift my Father knew I needed more than I. Often we feel prompted to do things in the Spirit, but are not always given the consolation of knowing whether or not we truly were acting as such. The Lord went out of His way to affirm me every single time I did, through the words and affirmations of my brothers and sisters, and this built me up more than I can say.
Thank you, all of you who went out of your way to let me know when something I did blessed you, because knowing that was essential to my knowing that my Father loves me!!!
As great and as satisfying a time as this weekend was, it was not until Sunday night, that I received my greatest kiss from the Lord. As I was recounting these words and events, I was suddenly overcome by the fullness of love and mercy that had been poured out on me, who am so sinful and poor. I just wept. I wept tears of joy, repentance and love, and received the love and mercy the Lord poured all over me. I felt like the prodigal son, just standing there weeping, being held and affirmed by his father!
Praised be Jesus Christ!!!